How can I get my mom off my back?

Dear Gentle Butch,

All my mom does all day long is nag. Clear your plate. Recycle your pop cans. Wash the pasta pot you used. Take a shower. Check your email. Put on clean clothes. What can I do to make her stop?

— Fears ugly carping kid-egging ranting

Dear FUCKER,

Keep clean and clean up after yourself without anyone having to tell you to do it.

If this is beyond your skill set for some fuck-ass reason, put down your goddamned phone and do what your mom says the first time she says it. Videos have a “pause” button. Did you know that? They do!

Magic! You have ended her nagging forever.

— Bitter Butch
(Gentle Butch first went crazy and is now quarantining, so her earlier incarnation has started answering letters.)

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