Dear Gentle Butch, I’m physically disabled and neuro divergent with a best friend who is also neuro divergent and my aide. We’ve been best friends for seven or eight years, we have a dog together, we love doing things together, we’re roommates, and she has recently become my PCA*. A couple months ago, we hit … Continue reading How do I handle my best friend’s anger?
How can this exhausted and burned out mom stop feeling bad about feeling bad?
Dear Gentle Butch, My husband and I had our second child a little over a year ago, and we've been having a really rough time. Our daughter had a fairly run-of-the mill infancy and is now a bright, verbal, inquisitive, high-energy four-year-old. Our son doesn't have any serious medical issues or anything, but he was … Continue reading How can this exhausted and burned out mom stop feeling bad about feeling bad?
How do I deal with other people’s resentment?
Dear Gentle Butch, I'm a woman in my mid-50's, and through great privilege and luck I'm able to support myself by working as a writing/editing/website contractor just a few months per year, and go on some great trips, too. I call myself semi-retired. Due to bipolar and some physical limitations, it's hard for me to work full-time for more … Continue reading How do I deal with other people’s resentment?
Is it okay to ask my upstairs neighbors to take down old decorations that are a fire hazard?
Dear Gentle Butch, I live in a duplex and the upstairs neighbor had a new roommate move in a few months back. She's apparently told my husband that she likes to "celebrate all the holidays at once!" which sounds whimsical and charming until the rotting pumpkins... now those were finally disposed of, but there are … Continue reading Is it okay to ask my upstairs neighbors to take down old decorations that are a fire hazard?
How do I keep it slow with someone I’m really into?
Dear Gentle Butch, I have been in therapy for all of my adult life, and have been doing my work and making a ton of progress on myself. As a result, I've been generally feeling better, and have had the good fortune to meet a new cute person whom I've been dating for a little … Continue reading How do I keep it slow with someone I’m really into?
How do I handle my unapologetically racist son?
Dear Gentle Butch, My oldest son has become an unapologetic racist. He has opined that black and Hispanic people are unintelligent, destructive, and without self control. He has told me and my husband that we’re naïve and can’t face facts we don’t like. His comments on these subjects have ranged from dispassionate observations to mean-spirited … Continue reading How do I handle my unapologetically racist son?
Her fiancé’s oversharing gets under her skin.
Dear Gentle Butch, I am the luckiest woman, engaged to a sweet, soft butch (my term, not hers) who loves me as much as I love her. One of the things that I love most about her is how she loves so many friends and family and builds deep, emotional relationships. On the other hand, … Continue reading Her fiancé’s oversharing gets under her skin.
Is this couple childish, sullen, petty, and very immature for having feelings?
Dear Gentle Butch, A few years ago, my husband and I introduced two of our best friends (a couple) to another pair of our best friends (our cousins). All of these friends are about ten years younger than us, and run in somewhat different circles. Now, these two couples we love often hang out together … Continue reading Is this couple childish, sullen, petty, and very immature for having feelings?
How do I support my awful coworker’s daughter?
Dear Gentle Butch, I work in a small office of only a few people. My least-favorite coworker (I'll call her Susan) has a teenage daughter (Hannah), who is queer, but is not out to her family. (It's complicated how I came to know this.) And, while I have met Hannah a few times, we don't … Continue reading How do I support my awful coworker’s daughter?
Yet another woman thinks everything’s her fault.
Dear Gentle Butch, There was a guy, "Joel," who I had some feelings for and ended up sleeping with once (we were both single at the time). After that happened, we never actually spoke about it, which was occasionally awkward since we both did a lot of work for the same small organization and had … Continue reading Yet another woman thinks everything’s her fault.