CONTENT WARNING: links below contain horrible misogyny and violence. Dear Gentle Butch, Hello, I am a white, heterosexual male and I am having trouble chatting up women. Could you give me some advice please? Thank you for your time! Dear WHM, Oh, honey no. No, I cannot give you advice about chatting up women, even … Continue reading How can a straight white guy hit on women?
etiquette
How do I get out of unpleasant in-law gatherings?
Hi Gentle Butch,I need better excuses to get out of socializing with my inlaws. There are get-togethers about once a month and I can only be sick so often, believably. I can't blame allergies because they clean better than I do and have fewer pets. They aren't horrible people, but the gatherings are really dull … Continue reading How do I get out of unpleasant in-law gatherings?
How to handle unpleasant and unsolicited parenting advice?
Dear Gentle Butch, What is the correct response to strangers telling me to put a hat/coat/socks/shoes/etc on my baby who is comfortable, happy, and not cold? -- The Baby's Mom Dear TBM, The correct response is, and it is perfectly gentle: "Go fuck yourself." I'm being gentle on you, not on them, obviously. It … Continue reading How to handle unpleasant and unsolicited parenting advice?
So now we can’t even say hi to a service dog?
Dear Gentle Butch, I know we aren't supposed to touch service dogs, but we can look at them, right? What if the dog approaches us first? I was walking toward a woman with a service dog on the sidewalk, and her dog was so incredibly cute! It was a beautiful shiny black Lab bursting with … Continue reading So now we can’t even say hi to a service dog?
How do I deal with other people’s resentment?
Dear Gentle Butch, I'm a woman in my mid-50's, and through great privilege and luck I'm able to support myself by working as a writing/editing/website contractor just a few months per year, and go on some great trips, too. I call myself semi-retired. Due to bipolar and some physical limitations, it's hard for me to work full-time for more … Continue reading How do I deal with other people’s resentment?
Is it okay to ask my upstairs neighbors to take down old decorations that are a fire hazard?
Dear Gentle Butch, I live in a duplex and the upstairs neighbor had a new roommate move in a few months back. She's apparently told my husband that she likes to "celebrate all the holidays at once!" which sounds whimsical and charming until the rotting pumpkins... now those were finally disposed of, but there are … Continue reading Is it okay to ask my upstairs neighbors to take down old decorations that are a fire hazard?
Her fiancé’s oversharing gets under her skin.
Dear Gentle Butch, I am the luckiest woman, engaged to a sweet, soft butch (my term, not hers) who loves me as much as I love her. One of the things that I love most about her is how she loves so many friends and family and builds deep, emotional relationships. On the other hand, … Continue reading Her fiancé’s oversharing gets under her skin.
Is this couple childish, sullen, petty, and very immature for having feelings?
Dear Gentle Butch, A few years ago, my husband and I introduced two of our best friends (a couple) to another pair of our best friends (our cousins). All of these friends are about ten years younger than us, and run in somewhat different circles. Now, these two couples we love often hang out together … Continue reading Is this couple childish, sullen, petty, and very immature for having feelings?
How do I support my awful coworker’s daughter?
Dear Gentle Butch, I work in a small office of only a few people. My least-favorite coworker (I'll call her Susan) has a teenage daughter (Hannah), who is queer, but is not out to her family. (It's complicated how I came to know this.) And, while I have met Hannah a few times, we don't … Continue reading How do I support my awful coworker’s daughter?
Yet another woman thinks everything’s her fault.
Dear Gentle Butch, There was a guy, "Joel," who I had some feelings for and ended up sleeping with once (we were both single at the time). After that happened, we never actually spoke about it, which was occasionally awkward since we both did a lot of work for the same small organization and had … Continue reading Yet another woman thinks everything’s her fault.
The Gentle Butch 